hit the low note

Yesterday, Alison and I ate a delicious vegan dinner at Fresh on Bloor. She's in town for a brief few days before she skips off to Ukraine for 1/4 of a year, and I got to see her, which wasn't entirely expected and was completely wonderful. We wandered Harbord Street and Kensington and Bloor at night and it was magicmagicmagic to sit under the protruding glass of the ROM and talk about what we're afraid of and what we love.

I don't head in to work until noon today, but I arose early nonetheless to sort out some questions I had about my university courses and to call the bank to pay tuition. Of course, the guy on the phone at York assumed I was a total idiot and had no idea what I was talking about, but once I finally convinced him my concerns were legitimate, he was pretty nice about it and we figured everything out. Looks like I'm attending courses on two separate campuses, but uh...that's just a cool challenge.

I'm doing slightly better financially than I thought I was, but I was definitely under the impression that I was completely fucked. Looks like I'll do okay if I limit my expenditure a bit more for the next two weeks...and um the rest of the year.

Apologies for this fairly uninteresting information (re: school and banking). A neurotic's got to get this sheezy off her chest.

here comes the crash (we have tiny friendly parachutes)

Vanessa was here this weekend, and she's going to be my roommate for a semester, starting two weeks from now. She is incredibly dear to me and has this supercapacity to make me feel safe and whole.

To give you an idea, in the following picture, Vanessa and I were both at a time where we pretty much hated our lives. There had been death, heartbreak, and scary work-and-school-related things. And we look happy in this picture, because we are. Because we were together:


photo credit: Jess Lewis
(pay no heed to my cockatiel hair. it was like that for months.)

Seeing Vanessa for the first time in a few months on friday morning was ordinarily perfect. I ran into her room, she bolted straight up like she was a '30s actress, I glimpsed her tattoo (we have matching ones and i refuse to be embarrassed about this) and felt like I would burst with happiness.

I have a feeling things in my life are about to get a lot scarier. Vanessa will be here, though, and we're kind of champs when we're together.

surreality

Last night, I had a dream that my friend Jim and I were gambling (not for real, but with real money). I had three twenties in my left hand and a handful of change and a key(?) in my right. We were listening to a mix c.d. he had made and the Magnetic Fields were playing.

"Jim," I asked, my voice defiantly swallowing any threatening tears, "Why does everything suck so much?"
Jim adjusted his linen suit jacket and looked down at his cards, shrugging. "I don't know, friend. I guess that's just how it happens."

I opened my mouth to say something more, but then "Crazy in Love" came on and I started laughing. "Hey, did you know Chuck Klosterman wrote about this song in Killing Yourself to Live? He said that he almost died when listening to it and - "

Then I woke up.

and i turned 'round and there you go

When I moved here, I made a page-long list of various tasks to perform and things to accomplish. Each item varied greatly in terms of difficulty, i.e. "get a job", "buy coffee and tea", "locate a cheap photocopier", etc. About a week ago, I finally got around to obtaining a library card (second last tickbox). By this point, I had forgotten all about said list until the helpful librarian actually presented me with the card. Upon my return home, I checked what was left on the list, and was pleased to see that there remains only one item ("develop promising talent"...clearly something I could quantify :P).

So, um, goodgood. Makes me feel a bit more settled, I guess.

Adding to my relief is that I won't have to spend many weeks crying over finding a part-time job, as my current work place is planning on extending my contract. This is a Big Deal to me. I feel fairly insanely lucky.

There are some difficulties that have been arising in other sections of my life, but I feel this is pretty typical and to be expected. We will see, I suppose, and hopefully I keep my chin up no matter what.

Tonight Nadya and I are making artichoke and sundried tomato pasta. Tomorrow night, Vanessa-dearest will be home (albeit for a few days, then off again, then back for the semester). This is hugely wonderful. I've missed her a great great deal and we have much to discuss.

And now: to work to work.